Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
