all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
