I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Girls should come with a carfax report
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
