I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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