Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
