girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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