I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
