I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize