Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
