East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
