I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize