I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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