Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize