he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
