Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
