just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
