My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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