speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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