so that wasnt chicken after all
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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