everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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