i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
