so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
