No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
