this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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