dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
