yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
