I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
third nipple confirmed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
