DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Less talking, more tequila
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just puked most of my soul out..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
