WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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