Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
