Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
