Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
