I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
