Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
