Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my poor anus
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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