weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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