If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
