Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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