currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
