i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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