He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
