Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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