i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
