how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize