even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
