no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
