Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
