We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize