Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
