yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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