Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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