I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
