You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
