My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
