You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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