I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
pop tarts are not kleenex
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
