im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
