you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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