I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
