I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
