You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
