i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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