I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
