Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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