She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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