HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
