Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize