Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
