I CAN MOONWALK!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
