Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
