awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
