I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
