Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
